Doing Life with Your Adult Children

Doing Life with Your Adult Children: Keep Your Mouth Shut & The Welcome Mat Out

By Jim Burns

This might seem like an odd book recommendation from someone who: 1) Does not ordinarily read self-help books, 2) Does not have adult children, 3) Does not have any children. Not only do I promise it will help with those who are all of the above, it will also help with simply understanding the right way to speak to your family members—children, siblings, parents, and possibly even friends.

What equally stinks and is beautiful about life is that it doesn’t come with a manual. It’s up to us to recognize something that isn’t working or has changed or is new in our lives and decide how we should approach it. Being human, most of us will do it wrong at some point.

This book reminded me a lot of a book I read about dealing with conflict: Fierce Conversations by Susan Scott. As you read it, the advice makes so much sense, you wonder how it took a book to make you see it.

Here are a few kernels of wisdom I took from this book. You’ll notice most can be applied to day-to-day life, not just life with adult children:

1. Control is difficult to give up.
2. Allow yourself to grieve the loss of your old role.
3. Keep life in perspective—focus on what matters most.
4. Unsolicited advice is usually taken as criticism.
5. Ask open ended questions.
6. Don’t let their crisis be your crisis.
7. Make thankfulness and gratitude a habit of your heart.
8. Move beyond old issues.

Rating: 4/5 stars