The best advice I ever received about teaching came when I was completing my alternate route to teaching program. My instructor said he wished he could put high on the back wall of every classroom the word: WAIT and on the front wall: THINK.
As it turns out, I often find this is pretty good advice for interacting with human beings in general. My Jersey brain (and mouth, let’s be real) runs at too many miles per hour to clock, aggressively blocking the ability for thoughts from others to be formed. I am constantly telling myself to stop jumping to the next subject when in conversation with others, especially, but not limited to, Hubby who processes things so much more cautiously than I do. When I allow silence to lag after I’ve spewed my thoughts on a subject, sometimes five full minutes* will pass before he says something in response.
*Five minutes is long. When silent time passes, I often think of Mr. Roger’s lifetime achievement award speech in which he devoted ten seconds of time to silence in order to allow the audience think of those who have “loved them into being”.
Silence is powerful. And giving it to others is not only considerate, but empowering. In forcing yourself to WAIT you give others the chance to THINK. To settle on what they want to say. How they want to contribute to the conversation. Chances are, when given the time to speak, those who are usually more silent will speak up, and oftentimes what they have to say is worth the wait.
Quite often with my spouse , who grew up in New Jersey, she continues speaking uninterrupted without giving time to respond. By the time she stops talking I have forgotten the question or issue.